Don't Hate Me For Loving You
by whitedress
Summary: Austin is a homeless drug addict. He is slowly losing control. Can his best friend Ally help him become the guy he once was or will he push her away and hate her for loving him? *Mostly Ally's POV but sometimes Austin's. *
1. The Way I Loved You

_But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain and it's two am and I'm cursing your 're so in love that you acted insane and that's The Way I Loved You._

I looked into his brown eyes as he whispered sweet nothings. I was desperately searching for some kind of feeling, the feeling that makes butterflies flutter around my stomach, makes my plams sweat and my heart race. But I couldn't find it. I mean I like Dallas, he's charming, endearing and makes me feel comfortable.

But my heart belongs to a blonde dark eyed cutie named was immature and crazy. He was a tornado twirling and spinning into my life, messing everything up but he was my best friend and he made me smile. I haven't talked to him in sweet caring guy he used to be is lost in a sea of addiction and self hatred with dark purple circles under his eyes, hallow cheeks and red angry sores. He pushed me away,caring more about feeding his addiction than me. But even after all that i'm still deeply and madly in love with him.


	2. I Almost Do

_I just want to tell you, It takes everything in me not to call you. And I wish I could run to you and i hope you know that every time I don't. I Almost Do._

I write songs about him instead of calling. I remember memories instead of trying to find him.

I took a deep breath of air fresh with cut grass and daffodils as I wrote down more lyrics. They were about Austin, always him. I sighed, I needed inspiration. I looked around the park, I could see children playing with each other, parents trying to control them, couples holding hands and friends joking around. I miss my friends, ever since Austin got caught up with drugs, Trish and I haven't been as close as we use to be. She turned her back on him, saying he was dangerous while I wanted to try help him.

I want to save him from his addiction but if he was here right now, I don't know if I would go over to him. I would pick up the phone and dial his number but I could never bring myself to call him.

I was getting annoyed with myself. I couldn't think of anything. With mild anger, I put my book into my bag and stood up. My eyes flashed to a tall hooded figure across from me. He throw his body on the bench a few feet away from me and started itching at his arm, that was red and looked like it was picked raw. He slowly removed his hood and hung his head. But I could see that it was Austin, yet he looked worse than even. His face was pale and the bags under his eyes looked like bruises, his lips were cracked and his purple hoodie, that used to fit him so perfectly, now hung so loose from his body. I felt my heart drop and my eyes water, I wanted him to see me. But he didn't notice me. I took a deep breath and I started to walk towards him. With every step my confidence faded until I was five steps away from him. He was in his own world,obvious to me. I stopped in my tracks, took one last look at him and turn around.

"Ally."


	3. Nothing Like Us

_There's nothing like us, there's nothing like you and me. Together through the strom. There's nothing like us, there's nothing like you and me. Together._

"Ally."

It doesn't matter what happens, how much things change, Austin's voice will always sound like honey, sweet and stuck on my heart. I turned back around to face someone I couldn't look in the eye. "Hi Austin." I sat down next to him but I kept my distance. "I missed you." His voice was quiet but he cut through the awkward silence. "I've missed you too." I whispered to him keeping my voice steady, making sure it didn't break. I hated how awkward the conversation felt. I wanted to go back to the way we talked, joked, laughed. I just wanted my best friend.

"I'm sorry." His voice was a little bit louder. He turned his body around to look at me. "I never wanted it to end up like this." He took my hand into his boney, rough one. He still made my heart race and send shivers down my spine. I shook my head."But it did. I just miss you." I felt messed up and confused, I didn't know what to do. He looked into my eyes and it was like I was looking at the old Austin. "This is all my fault, I'm sorry to any pain I've caused you and Trish."My thoat was so sore trying to fight back tears. "Why did you do it? What do drugs give you that your friends can't?" I couldn't help a few escaping. He slowly started to catch the fallen tears with his thumb. "I don't know. It just got too much for me, the fame, the pressure, I needed to escape it!" I don't know why but I felt myself getting angry with him. "That's no excuse, we were there for you Austin, your family, your friends, everyone of us. Why the hell did you push us away?" I screamed at him a little too loud but it didn't mask my angry at him. He winced at the pain of my words and jumped up out of his seat. "I was suppose to be perfect! You have no idea what I had to go through." He started itching at his arm, tearing at his skin until it bled. His eyes were bloodshot and full of angry and madness. He looked insane and for the first time in my life I was scared of him. I felt my insides shake, "W-we a-aall had to go through p-pressure." I couldn't stop my hands from shaking and my words from stuttering. My mind was shouting at me to run away as fast as i can but my feet were glued to the ground. I couldn't stop staring at his hard brown eyes that once held so much kindness and warmth. He looked at me with blank unemotional stare then turned and ran away. I watched him run away as I whispered into the wind, "I love you."

**AN: Hi I'm so sorry if this sucks, I was trying to work through a writers block. But thank you so much for all the lovely reviews, they mean everything to me. I love you guys. Stay Beautiful ")**


	4. Standing in the Dark

_I'm standing in the dark, she's dancing on the table, I'm looking through the glass. She's someone else's angel. It may sound stupid that I'm wanting you back but I'm wanting you back._

*Austin POV*

I ran away from her, I felt angry building up inside me. She can go f off with herself and her stupid boyfriend, Dallas. I don't care about her or anybody. Why should I try recovering when no one is ever there for me? I hope I never see Ally ever again. I hate her.

But I love her. I love her with all my heart and I hate myself for saying all those things about her. I want to see her again, I care about her. The image of her, standing there, stuttering her words, looking terrified of me, haunted my mind as i ran faster and faster trying to erase her fearful face. I felt like a monster. She was the only one who still wanted to help me and I scared her away like I was an evil wizard trapping her in a castle and she was the poor princess trying to get away from me. I couldn't take it any more, I needed to escape, to erase everything that has happened today. I took a bottle of tablets I couldn't remember the name of. I didn't care once I got a high and I can forget about Ally, pain and fear. I shallowed a few dry and waited. I felt a quick high and rush of false happiness as the memories faded. I smiled a creepy, greedy smile to myself. The world looked colourful and bright to me now, I rather this than the dark grey reality. I felt powerful, like I can do anything.

* * *

"You were great." A tall brunette girl whispered seductively into my ear. I didn't feel great, I felt terrible. I couldn't remember anything that happened. But lying here in a stranger's bed with my clothes thrown on the floor, I didn't want to know. I rolled over on my side away from this strange girl. I felt unbelievably dirty like I've committed a crime. I felt ashamed that I would hop on anything that a pulse once I was intoxicated, even someone I've never met. But I didn't care about being ashamed when I was high, the drugs made me feel pleasure and I had a bed to sleep in. But my insides churned, I started scratching my arm, if I didn't have drugs then I needed to feel pain to forget all I'm feeling on the inside. I climbed out of her king sized bed and quickly put my clothes back on. I checked to see if the girl had gone back asleep then I grabbed her purse, took a handful of notes and ran out of the girl's house.

I felt exhausted, my body felt like it was going to give out more and more with every step I took. But I stopped so quickly when I saw who was in front of me, Ally and Dallas kissing like a lover's dream. His hands were feeling her beautiful body and I couldn't stop myself from staring, wishing I was him feeling her pale pink lips. I wanted her so badly that my heart started beating rapidly against my chest. I fell to my knees in shame and longing. I felt like I was having a heart attack. He pulled away from her and turned his head to face me. His face turned into pure disgust. "What the hell do you think you're looking at ,you freak?" He marched up to me, looking like he was about to kill someone. "You stupid druggie." I fell to the ground as he kicked my stomach, knocking the air out of my lungs. I closed my eyes and felt the red painful blows. I was crumbling and cracking. "NO STOP! YOU'RE HURTING HIM! STOP!" I opened my eyes to her painful screams, she had tears in her eyes as she tried punching, kicking, slapping him, anything to tear him away from me. I wanted to hide her from this monterous scene playing before her. She didn't deserve to see me like this, to have another nightmare haunting her. I begged him to stop but he didn't, I screamed and cried, wishing that this pain would end.

He kicked and punched until I couldn't feel anything. He got close to my face and whispered, "If I ever see you again, you'll be sorry," in a threatening voice. He grabbed Ally by the waist and carried her away like she was a screaming child throwing a tamper. She stretched her arms, trying to get a hold of me but it was no use. I weakly stretched my hand out for her even though she was miles away from me and I was lying on the cold ground. Soon her cries for me faded and she was gone.


	5. The Moment I Knew

_And it was like slow motion,_

_standing there in my pretty dress in red lipstick with no one to impress._

_But there was one thing missing and that was the moment I knew._

"Stay away from him."

"He's no good."

"He's trouble, don't trust him!"

"He can't love you like I can."

All the words Dallas said about Austin went around and around in my head. I should stay as far away from him as possible. But I knew that once I got away, I'd come crawling back, he'd just have to say the word.

The night was cold and quiet with the sounds of traffic reminding me where I was. The street lights flickered, turning my sparkling sliver dress a sickling orange colour. I paced back and forth, waiting for Dallas to drive up and take me somewhere I can forget everything. I was worrying about Austin, where he was, if he was okay, if was he in pain, weather or not he was under the influence. My worries about him were eating me alive, I couldn't think straight. Any other girl would be obsessively thinking about her boyfriend and where he was going to take her, but no, I was obsessively worrying about a boy with bruises and scars and strung out eyes. I glanced at my phone, 7:00, he should be here by now. I leaned against a wall and threw my head back in confusion and exhaustion. I was tired from tossing and turning last night because reoccurring dreams of Austin's face twisted in pain as he tool blow after blow of kicks and punches. I checked the time again. 7:05. He said he'd be here by 6:45.

7:10...7:20...7:30...7:55...8:00...8:30...9:00...9:30...

My eyes sting with the threat of tears, why wasn't he here? He said he'd be here. Dark thoughts started flooding my mind. Am I not good enough? Does he hate me? Does he think I'm ugly? Is he out with another girl? Is he trying to break up with me? I started freaking out, I couldn't breathe. I stood straight up and started walking fast with flaming cheeks and tear fulled eyes. Next thing I knew I was standing outside his door with his car parked in the driveway. I wanted to bang and kick down the door but I calmed my stormy mind with sweet light thoughts like maybe he was sick and his phone was broken, maybe he got lost and returned home to call me.I took a deep breath and knocked politely on his door. Dallas answered the door, his hair was messy with the ends sticking up all over the place and his shirt was off, exposing his perfectly trained chest and abs, shining with didn't help the negative voices in my head as they laughed at me,saying, "I told you so."

I tried my best to keep myself from crying. "Where were you?" I wanted to sound strong and unemotional but my voice sounded helpless and weak. He opened his mouth to answer me when a female voice shouted down from upside, "Honey, come back. I'm lonely up here. I miss those sexy lips."

That's when everything fell apart. I started crying as I screamed at him, " How could you? You fucking lied to me. I hate you." I felt my insides twisting, I thought I was going to be sick. "Ally, baby it's not what you think." He said in a sweet kind voice as he went in to hold me. I pushed him back, "Don't you dare fucking touch me!" I slapped him across the cheek, causing him physical pain for my emotional pain and ran away.

I didn't know it was raining until my dress was soaked through to my skin. I was so stupid. I should have never went out with him, should have never played the fool. I listened to his I love you's and love sick lies like a song on replay. I walked in the rain, not caring as it soaked my skin and wet my hair. I flopped myself onto a bench, feeling defeated and heart broken. I just started crying my heart out in the most unattractive way. "Ally, are you alright?" I knew it was Austin before I even looked up. I shook my head, trying to hold in my sobs. "D-d-dallas cheated m-me." I felt my whole body shaking and shivering under the rain shower. Austin sat down beside me and curled me up into his lap. I cried into his beating heart, he wrapped his purple hoodie I've seen him wearing for the past two days around me, in order to shelter me from the rain. He smelt like mud and the sweet aroma you get after a rainstrom like this. "Shh it's okay sweetheart. I won't let him hurt you anymore." My body weaked in his arms as I whispered in a tearful voice, "Why am I not good enough for him? Why did he do this to me?"I grabbed his t-shirt into my fists as I got more mad with myself than with Dallas."Ally, listen to me! You're amazing and beautiful. Dallas is a stupid prick for doing that to you!" I looked up into his eyes and smiled a weak ,sad smile. He rubbed my arm, my hair, my cheeks and kissed me gentlely on my head. I felt myself giving in to my tiredness as I fell asleep in his arms.

_**AN: I'm so sorry for the late update, I was feeling kind of low yesterday so I wasn't feeling up to it.**_

_**PS It's St. Patrick's Day tomorrow and I'm irish so you better love it. Haha jk just joking. I love you guys :D**_


	6. Red

_Losing him was blue like I never known, _

_Missing him was dark grey all alone,_

_Forget him was like trying to know somebody you never meet._

_But loving him was **RED.**_

I woke up to the sounds of birds singing out my window. I combed back through my memories, remembering everything, waiting hours for a guy who would never show up, finding his other girlfriend, walking in the pouring rain. Then I remembered Austin and his arms wrapped around me, his steady heartbeat, the feel of his light purple hoodie that was now thrown against my chair. I felt my lips curling up into a smile as my cheeks burned.

I hopped out of bed and threw on the first thing I could see in my closet. I paced through my room, thinking about everything. Maybe I should try to get together with Austin, he gives me this light crazy feeling no one else gives me. My thoughts were interrupted by a note on my desk, "Meet me at the park at 12 .-Austin" I stared at the clock, 11:30. I didn't realise that I've slept that late. I grabbed my bag and my phone and ran out the door.

There he was, looking amazing and wonderful like he always does. I was nervous, what if he doesn't like me the way I like him?, what if he likes me, goes to kiss me and realises I'm a bad kisser? I tried to fix my shaking hands but it was no use. I collected all my courage and walked over to him, "Hey, Austin," he turned around and glazed into my eyes. My heartbeat got faster and faster until I felt it drumming in my ears. "Hi Ally." He hugged me close, which didn't help my nerves. He smiled at me as he pulled out a red rose, with soft petals and a torn free stem. "Thank you." I smiled a bright happy smile, no one, not even Dallas bought me flowers. "I love it." I wanted to give him a hug but I was afraid he'd push me away. "I'm glad you do." He leaned in closer and closer until he was inches away from my face. His lips looked so inviting and nice right now. I waited, wanting him to hurry up and kiss me already. He pulled me in closer until his lips met mine. I felt sparks fly, no fireworks could ever explode or burn this bright. His lips moved with mine in perfect movement like a graceful dancer. He pulled away too soon, his hand moved up to cheek to stoke it. Nothing ever felt this good, I giggled like a little girl. "I've been waiting my whole life for that."He twirled me around and held me in his arms, "You don't mind that I kissed you." I shook my head, "No it was nice." I wanted to kiss him over and over again, I wanted to kiss his bruises and scars until they disappeared and lie with him under the stars. "You're so beautiful Ally." He kissed my lips and bit it for a spit second, teasing me. With his body pressed against mine, I felt something I've never felt before, passion. With Dallas, it was just sweet and innocent, a schoolgirl crush but with Austin it's faster than the wind and passionate as a sin. With Dallas, it was pink and bubbling but with Austin, it's a burning **RED.**

**AN: Sorry Taylor Swift inspires me. I love her. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, stay beautiful and love Auslly. :)**


	7. The Lucky One

_And they tell you now you're the lucky one._

_Yeah they tell you now you're the lucky one._

_But can you tell me now you're the lucky one?_

*Austin's POV*

Once you get in the spotlight, the media loves you. You're the hot new artist with good looks and catchy songs. Every girl wants you, every boy wants to be you. Everyone tells you you're perfect and you're lucky. You have everything, money, girls, fame.

Then the downfall happens, as you got more famous , the world turns dark, the press starts to pick at your flaws and spreading false rumours about you. Haters start surfacing and break down everything you do , trying to find something to hate you for.

They tell you you're going to have everything, everyone is going to love you. What they don't tell you is that they're building you up just to tear you down.

Flashback 1:

I was trying to walk through screaming crowds of fans wanting to get a picture, autograph, anything. I wanted to get out of here, I couldn't breathe as people closed in on me. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of people. Camera flashes blinding me, high pitched screams deafed me, fingernails scratched at my face and arms. I needed to get out of here.

Flashback 2:

I closed the door behind me, my breath was fast and uneven. I was stressed out, I needed to escape. I never used drugs before, I knew people at school who did. I saw them, strung out, tired and a shell of their former selves. But in the heat of the moment, I grabbed what ever tablets I could find and shallowed them dry. I rather feel numb than feel pain. I didn't care anymore, I felt my old self being broken down and dissolved into the drugs. There is no turning back now.

Flashback 3:

"Austin, are you alright?" Ally looked at me with those adorable compassionate eyes. She was so sweet. " Nothing Alls I'm fine." I put on my best fake smile and pulled her close. She didn't look like she believed me but didn't question me further. "Hi Austin, is your girlfriend?" A tall reporter about 40, closed in on Ally and I. All of sudden a million camera flashes were in my face. " Are you going to answer my question, you little prick?"

"Fucking Cunt." Words and words of hatred and bitterness fulled my brain. "Austin, come on just ignore them."Ally grabbed my arm to try get me to go with her but I couldn't hear Ally's words over my growing anger, everything just keep building up and up until it bust out in a rush of anger. I kicked one of the reporters in the stomach , I just keep hitting and kicking. I just felt upset and confused. I attacked them until Ally's words snapped me back to reality. "AUSTIN, STOP!" I looked down in shock at the mess I made. My jaw hung opened, I couldn't believe what I've done. Ally pulled me back and held me against a wall. I couldn't look at her, I couldn't look at her angry brown eyes. "Austin, look at me!" I lifted my head slowly, feeling ashamed and used. Her eyes were fulled with worry and confusion. "What's wrong with you?" I started crying, I didn't want her to see me like this. I pushed her away and ran, balling my eyes out.

Flashback 4:

"Austin, get in here." My mother's voice sounded worried with a hint of anger. I dried my eyes and put on a fake smile. My mother and father were sitting at the table with newspaper article about me. "Austin, explain yourself." My father handed me the article. Pictures of me filled the page with words like 'out of control', 'aggressive', 'drug addict'. " There's nothing to explain." The pictures of me, looked like a stranger fulled with anger. I couldn't look at it, I winced at the sight of the monster in the pictures. "Austin what is wrong with you?" My mother put an arm around me and talked to me calmly. I pushed her off and screamed at them. "NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME!" I ran out the door into the cold air. I kept running and running until my chest hurt and my knees gave out.

I'm not the lucky one.

**AN: I hope you liked this chapter, a little inside in Austin's backstory. Anyone see Partners and Parachutes yesterday? I saw the clip of Austin singing to Ally on Youtube, I cried my eyes out. Auslly is so cute and beautiful!**


	8. Kiss Me

Lips_ press to my neck, I've fallen for your eyes but they don't know me yet._

_And the feeling I forget, I'm in love now._

_K__is____s me like you wanna be loved, like you wanna be loved._

_This feels like falling love, falling love._

D: Ally look I said I was sorry a hundred times. Please take me back.

A: No

D: Please Ally baby I love you!

A: If you loved me you wouldn't have cheated on me!

D: She was a mistake! You're the one I love.

A: You know what in the wise words of Taylor Swift, we are never ever ever getting back together! Goodbye.

"Who are you texting?" A hoarse voice spoke underneath me. "I thought you were sleeping." I smiled at Austin rubbing his eyes and yawning. He was so cute. "I woke up, how long was I asleep?"

"8 hours, you were sound asleep." His eyes went round in shock, "What! Ally I'm so sorry, I'm just exhausted!" He started petting my hair,I giggled, batting his hand away from me. "It's okay, you're forgiven." I started petting his hair and kissed his cheek, "I still like you." I really wanted to say I love you but it ended up getting stick in my thoat as a lump chocking me.

He leaned and kissed my lips, his were dry but felt right next to mine. He started slow than got faster and more passionate. My stomach was full of butterflies fluttering around and making me nervous. He pulled my body to fit onto his and rested his hands on my hips. I felt insecure and vurlnerable but his breath tickling my face calmed me down. He lifted my chin with his hand. "You're so beautiful." His lip moved down to my neck, gentlely kissing it and taking little bites. I felt for his hands and rubbed comforting circles against his knuckles.

I fell back onto my back with Austin following me. My cheeks were burning and my heart was racing. "Ally, kiss me." His voice begged me as I pulled him in. As my lips moved with his, I felt all his body tension weaken under my hands. "You make me weak." I ran my fingers through his hair, it was rough and dry but felt magical against my skin. My hands tugged at his shirt, wanting something I've never seen before. His hand guilded them to take it off. I gasped as I looked at his bare chest covered in multi coloured bruises and open scrathes the colour of dried blood. His skin was tightly wrapped around his ribs like a straved child. "I'm sorry I'm not as handsome as I used to be." His voice broke and sounded guilty and ashamed. I looked deep into his big brown eyes with love and adorement. "Austin, you're beautiful to me and you always will be, no matter what you look like." He let out a breath like he hadbeen holding it for hours. He brushed a hair from my face and whispered soft and slow, "I love you." I kissed him and whispered in his ear, "I love you too."

We listened to each other's heartbeats in the quiet of the night. My body tingled and was sticky with sweat. Right now everything felt perfect. "You're perfect Ally." He looked so beautiful under the dim light of my lamp. "So are you Austin." I lightly kissed him on the cheek and listened to traffic outside in the peace and quiet of our little world.

**AN: Hey guys so sorry its late, I've been so busy. Please don't hate me :( **

**I got a review from a guest asking if I was Christian, I'm not, I'm an Atheist which means I don't believe in a God or gods but I live by the golden rule to treat people the way you want to be treated because I never want to hurt anyone . But if you're reglious that's fine with me, I respect people's beliefs. :) I hope that doesn't change your mind about me.**


	9. Better Off

_All my friends are saying, "Girl what are you thinking, you're better off. Better off without him._

_Find yourself another, girl that boy is trouble. You're better off, better off"_

Flashbacks kept flooding my mind, him kissing me, him stroking my hair, him saying he loves me. I giggled at the memories, I stared at my empty bed and wondered where he was. I was so caught up in my daydream that didn't hear a knock at the door until it was banging on my door like thunder. I ran to the angry visitor. "Hi Ally, we need to talk." It was Trish, looking worn out and pissed off. Behind her were two girls I've never seen before. They both looked beautiful, one was a tall brunette with skin the colour of coffee and the other was a pale skined girl with blonde hair that was golden under the sun. I was confused but I let them in.

"Ally, we're here to tell you you're better off without Austin." Trish looked serious but I giggled nervously. "What do you mean?" The dark haired girl spoke up, "Austin's dangerous. You have to stay away from him." I shook my head, refusing to believe them. "Excuse me but who are you?" I knew I sounded like a bitch but I never want to be without Austin. "Ally, this is Cassidy and Kira. They know what Austin's like." The blonde one walked over to me and looked me in the eye. "He's not who you think he is." I laughed sacrasticly, "Do you have proof?"

"Yes, Ally." Kira took a deep breath. "He's had sex with us. With nearly every girl on the streets. He'd have sex with us, took our money and leave." I felt my legs give out and I curled into a fetus position. "No. No. You're lying." My lungs burnt and my hands started shaking. "Listen Ally how well do you really know Austin? He's not Austin the best friend anymore, he's Austin the drug addict." Trish's voice came out in a hiss. No Austin wouldn't lie to me, he said he loved me. He wasn't intoxicated when he said it. But what if he was lying, telling me things I wanted to hear. Saying he loves me with his fingers crossed behind his back. "You swear you're not lying?" I looked up at them crowding around me, feeling like a little kid. "Yes Ally. He'd have sex with anyone and everyone." My heart stopped beating. "What else would he do?" I wanted to cover my ears and runaway. Cassidy came down and rested her hand on my shoulders. "He would get into fights, he would get violent with anyone that got in his way." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Ally you're better off without him." I felt my body turn to jelly, I wanted to throw up. "Can I just be alone for a minute?" They nodded and hugged me. I waited until the door closed and I cried. I couldn't breath. Why would he lie to, why would he keep this from me? He could be in another girls bed right now. Kissing her, stroking her cheek just like he did with me.

Maybe I'm better off without him.

**AN: I hope you enjoyed this. What will Ally do?**

**To the guest asking why I don't believe in God: I wasn't raised in a reglious home so I didn't really believe in God. But I have mortals and my personal beliefs. It shouldn't matter if I don't have a reglion, we are the same creatures but with different features.**


	10. Because Of You

_Baby you have become my addiction,_

_I'm strung out, I can barely move_

_But I like it and it's all because of you._

_It's all because of you._

*Austin's POV*

I wanted her, I wanted to love her but I don't think I can. I think I love her but how can I love someone when I can't love myself. I hate myself for hurting her but I couldn't help it. My stupid pride and I rather put strange substances into our body than tell someone what was up. I didn't want to look weak in front of anybody especially Ally.

I coughed under the cold sunset. My head was aching and my throat was burning. I longed to be at my old home in the warmth and heat. But I couldn't bear go back there and face my parents.

Ally's voice echoed through my head, her breathing, the movement of her lips on my lips that made them tingle. Her body felt so good against mine. I remembered the feel of her soft skin, her silky hair and her full lips. How can something so good and pure love something so bad and troublesome? I'm addicted to her, she's like a drug. She soothes me and calms me down but she also gives me a rush of excitement. But once I was away from her I fell fast from her high back to the state I'm in now.

I pulled out a bag filled with a harsh white powder. I pour it out and straighten it out with a raser blade. I breathe in the burning powder. My nose felt like it was on fire, I itched at it waiting for it to stop. Then I felt an insect crawling under my skin, one at first then dozens, hundreds, thousands. I crawled at my arms, attacking my own skin. Blood poured out of my arm like water. I scratched at my head, pulling chucks of hair out in the process. I screamed but it was mute. The insects spread all over my body. I wanted it to stop. My skin opened so easily under my raging fingernails now encrusted with blood. I screamed and cried out until my throat was raw and horse. I felt like I was drowning in a crimson sea and I couldn't get back up.

I woke up to a burning sun in the middle of an alleyway. My skin itched and hurt so much. I got blurry and hazy flashbacks of last night. But I couldn't remember much of what happened. My hands were stiff and tight with dry blood. I couldn't breathe through my nose without it burning. I choked and coughed as my heart banged against my chest. "Oh my God." My voice surprised me, it was hardly audible and hurt like hell.

My phone buzzed against my pocket, I picked it up and answered it. "Hello?" I choked on my words as my voice was going. "Austin, we need to talk." Ally sounded stressed and neutral.


	11. The Last Time

_This is the last time I'm asking you this, put my name at the top of your list. This is the last time I'm asking you why. You break my heart in the blink of an eye._

*Austin's POV*

I didn't want to face her, she sounded angry and fled up. What did she find out? I don't think I'd be able to stand her looking at me with her burning brown eyes that only a couple of days ago were fulled with love. She know something about me and it scared me, I want to tell her everything but all my skeletons and my inner demons were too dark and haunting for me to handle. I wanted help, I needed help but I'm too stubborn to ask for it.

I ran Ally's house but it felt like I was dragging my feet across quicksand. My body felt weak and worn out like a toy that was old and broken. With my shallow hand, still encrusted with blood, I knocked on her door. Within seconds Ally answered the door. "Ally." I whisper as my voice broke. "Austin, why didn't you tell me you were having sex with all those girls?" She didn't waste any time, she just ripped off the paster. "Ally, listen they didn't mean anything." She turned to me with soul burning eyes. "Does that mean that when we did it, it meant nothing to you?" As she said it , her words sounded less angry and more heartbroken. "Austin, I love you, why didn't you tell me?" She sank to the ground.

I felt my heart cracking, I love her too but maybe she's better off without me. "How the hell can you love me? What we had meant nothing to me. I never loved you!" Please Ally dont hate me, I love you. She made a small noise that sounded like she was dying inside. It was like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. But I didn't let it show, I stared at the floor and whispered these words, "That night meant nothing to me, I just wanted some where to stay." She stood up and started to shake her head. "No, no."I saw that she was going to bust into tears. She screamed at me with tearful eyes, "I trusted you, I cared about you when no one else did. How could you do this?"

I wanted to grab her and kiss her but I couldn't. I hated her but I love her. How could she love me, how could she care about me when I keep hurting her like this. I wanted to fix this, I wanted to take back all my words and hold her in my arms. "Ally..." I reached for her but she turned away. "No Austin, I'm not your lady of the night! If you don't want me than I don't anything to do with you." She pointed to the door and walked up to her bedroom, I walked out into the cold night. This is the last time I'm going to hurt her.

*Ally's POV*

I closed the door. I thought he loved me, I thought he wanted me, I guess I heard him wrong. I couldn't believe it. I started crying buckets and buckets of tears. I picked up the phone and called Trish, I needed someone to talk to. "Hello?" I busted into tears again as I tried to speak, "Trish, it's Ally." Her voice changed once she heard I was crying. "Ally, what happened? Did you talk to Austin?" I tried to calm down and take deep breaths. "He did have sex with all those girls. He told me he never loved me, he just used me." My heart squeezed at the memory of him saying that. "Oh Ally I'm so sorry, Austin's a lying cheating prick! You deserve better." She sounded compassionate and kind just like she was my best friend again. "I don't think I'll ever find love again"

"Yes you will Ally. When you find him, he'll make you feel amazing." I nodded my head through the tear. "Thank you, Trish. I want to be alone now to just think and cry."

"Ok Ally, switch on The Notebook, eat chocolate ice cream and drown in your tears. I'll talk to you in the morning."

I hated flashbacks, flashbacks of Austin saying he loved me, kissing me, holding me. I wanted them to stop but they kept rushing in faster and faster. If he ever comes back, I'll never take him back. My eyes strung with tears and I felt everything I felt when Dallas cheated on me, hurt, angry, heartbroken, only hundred times worse because Austin isn't here to hold me until I stopped crying.

This is the last time I'll let him in my door.

**AN:I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days, I went to my aunt's for the weekend with no wifi. Please don't hate me :(. I'm going to be really busy these two weeks, I have an audition tomorrow and rehearsals for a show in May. I'll try my best to update. **


	12. Sad Beautiful Tragic

_What a sad beautiful tragic love affair._

_We had a beautiful magic love there._

I thought about red lipstick, purple nail polish, cute black puppies and glittering stars. But it didn't matter what random things I thought about, something would always remind me of Austin. I couldn't stop thinking of his sparkling brown eyes and his soft blonde fluffy hair.

I'd smile at the cute moments when kissed me and said he loved and I feel tears escaping when I remember the sad moments when he said he never loved me and pushed me away. I know I'm being a kid crying over a stupid boy but I loved him, he made me feel love.

"Ally, come down here!" My dad's voice boomed from downstairs. I dried my eyes and ran downstairs. "Yes, dad." He was sitting next to a laptop displaying a picture of Austin and I kissing. "Please explain this!" He looked mad, his face was a slight red, waiting for my answer. "There's nothing to explain, we kissed." I tried to pass it off as if it didn't matter when inside it hurt like a thousand knifes were being thrown at my heart. "Why did you kiss him? I told you that day when he attacked that reporter that you should stay away from him. He's out of control." He voice was loud and laced with red hot anger.

I felt myself burning up with rage and embarrassment, I wanted to run out of my house and never return. But I stayed put and shallowed my anger until I was left unemotional. "I know and I'm sorry I betrayed you but I bumped into him a few months ago. I guess we just grew closer and it rekindled old feelings and we kissed."I knew he wouldn't forgive me, I went behind everyone's backs and saw him. I built a relationship with him, thinking I could help him and now I'm lying on the cold hard ground. It exploded in my face and it's all my fault. "What the hell were you thinking? He could have done anything to you!" I felt anger building up again as I raised my voice, " I was thinking he's still my best friend not a monster like everyone thinks he is!" I ran out and shamed the door.

I still wanted to help him, no matter what anyone said. I jumped onto my bed as I tried to block my father's words , "You're not allowed to see him ever again!" I was too mad to cry, I felt like punching a wall. I tried to calm myself down but I couldn't. I felt messed up and confused, I was upset, crying about everything, Dallas, Austin, my dad. I was so out of it that when my phone buzzed , I nearly jumped out of my skin. It was from Austin.

_Dear Ally,_

_I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. If I had a chance I would have never said all those things. I lied to you a bunch of times and you never deserve that. You are so beautiful, don't let anyone tell you different. I'm sorry for saying you didn't mean anything me, you do, you mean the world to me. When you said I love you to me, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you with every inch of my heart. You are better off without me, everyone is. I've caused everyone pain. So you'll never see me again. I'm causing myself the same physical pain I've caused people emotionally. I feel myself slipping away and my only regret is not holding you against my chest and kissing you all day long, like a real boyfriend would do. Someday you'll find the perfect boyfriend and he'll love just as much as I do. I'm sorry it had to turn out like this. Goodbye Ally. I will always love you._

I reread and scanned over the text message a million times out of shock. No, no I can't believe this. I grabbed my bag and ran out of my house. I needed to find him


	13. Safe And Sound

_Just close your eyes the sun is going down. You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light. You and I'll be Safe and Sound._

I just kept running, searching anywhere for Austin. I flew by people, pushing obstacles out of my way. I needed to find him. I stopped outside the park, where we first reunited and had our first kiss, breathless and exhausted I ran inside. "Austin, Austin. Where are you?" I heard a quiet groan a few feet away from me. With the last of my energy, I ran to the sound, praying it was him.

"Austin." I whispered to the body on the ground. The body slightly shifted as I sat down beside him. I leaned in closer, to examine him. His body shaking and shivering in the mild cold like he was in a snowstorm, his sleeves were rolled up to expose deep fresh red cuts on his arms. I grabbed his arm slowly not wanted to hurt him. His skin was painted with blood, so much was pumping out of his cuts. I started to panic, i pulled off my cardigan and wrapped it around his arms tightly. I pressed down lightly as he groaned in pain. He looked so pale and out of it, I was terrified he'd die in my arms. I took out my phone and dialed an ambulance.

"Am I dying?" His voice was weak and broken. I stroked his cheek, "No I'm right here sweetheart. Don't worry." He looked into my eyes, his eyes were unfocused and wide. "But-but you're an angel." I laughed a little sad laugh, he was so out of it that he didn't know what he was saying. I leaned into him more, still pressing down on his arms, "No darling, it's me, Ally. Do you remember?" He looked at me and shook his head like a confused child, "Ally's an angel." He rested his head on my shoulder and I started petting his hair and running my fingers through it. "I'm sorry Ally." He whispered in my ear, he sounded sad. "It's okay, you'll be alright." I heard sirens in the distance, getting closer and closer. His hand gripped onto mine like I was slipping away, "Don't leave me Ally, please." I pulled his hand up to my lips and kissed it, "I won't, I'll stay right here."

He lay in the hospital bed, he looked died. The only thing that gave me confidence that he wasn't was the slight raise and fall of his chest. His arms were stitched up where his cuts have been, he looked healthier and brighter, even with his eyes closed. I lay back on my chair and stared at the ceiling , counting all the dents and dots until I was distacted by them. "Ally." A cracked voice spoke out into the slience. I slowly jumped out of my chair and sat by his bedside. "Yes, Austin, it's me." He smiled at me. "I'm glad you're here." I nodded my head , "I'm glad you're okay." He moved in a little closer to me, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything." I pressed my finger against his lips, stopping him from saying anything. "Shh. You've already apologised. I forgive you." He kissed my finger and sat up. I wanted to kiss him like I always do but this time I felt fearless. We leaned in at the same time as if we were thinking the same thing. Our lips touched and it was like the first time we kissed only more intense and passionate. My heart started beating so fast, rushing blood to my cheeks.

I never wanted this feeling to end, this crazy rush I get whenever he touches me. My heart skips and bangs in my chests, my lips tingle for his kiss, my hands twitch to hold his hand and my cheeks burn like match sticks. Austin pulled away and kissed my cheek. "I love you Ally." He chuckled as he lay my head against his chest. "My heart will never stop beating for you. You helped me so much you know that? You made me feel something I thought I would never feel again. I know I couldn't love you with my whole heart until I accept that I have a problem and I'm almost there. Thanks to you. I love you."


	14. Never Let You Go

_it's like an angel came by and took me to heaven Cause when you stare my eyes it couldn't be better. Let the music blast we gonna do our dance. Bring the doubters on, they don't matter at all. _

*Austin's POV*

My mam and dad quietly walked into the room, I stared at the ceiling, refusing to meet their eyes. I didn't want to hear them going on about how much of a failure I am. I already know that. My heart ached for Ally to be here but she wasn't.

My father sat down on a chair next to my bedside, "Austin, we need to talk." I turned to them and gave them a blank, unemotional stare. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Running away, attacking people, doing drugs and now attempting to kill yourself." I felt familiar anger build up inside me. In the heat of the moment I screamed at them. "I was thinking the whole damn world is better off without me. I already know I am a huge failure to you. No need to guilt trip me." I held back near tears, I refuse to let them see me cry. " You're not a failure. You just haven't made smart decisions lately." My mother's words cut through the air, silencing my racing thoughts. She took a deep breath and continued. "Your father and I have decided it's best if you go to a rehabiliation centre. We want you to get better Austin. We want what's best for you." That's when the bomb exploded, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I shook my head, faster and faster until the world started spinning. " No, no, no! I'm not going! No you can't make me!" I started rocking back and forward like a scared child. "No. No. No." My breath started to get more rapid until it was like my insides were shaking. "Austin, Austin, listen!" My father grabbed my arm. I shook him off like a wild animal. I felt like I was being caged up and I was fighting to get out. I screaming at them as loud as I could. "Get off of me!" I wanted them to leave, they can't send me away like I'm a psychopath. I just kept screaming until my head started getting light and tears started falling like rain.

The room was empty, I curled my knees into my chest and started to sob. How did this happen? Why did it all go wrong? I should have told Ally what was wrong with me when I had the chance. I just wanted this to stop. I wanted to start all over again. But I couldn't.

"Austin." I looked up to see Ally standing at the door. "They want me go to a rehab, Ally." She walked over to me. "I know." She stoked my hair and pulled me close into her arms. I felt safe and warm as I listened to her heartbeat. "But Austin. I think they are right. You know you're not going to get better until you get professional help." I wanted to be angry at her but I couldn't, her voice was too calm and sweet. Maybe she was right. "But I can change without going!" I wanted to her to believe me but I didn't even believe that I could. "No you won't." I took my head out of her arms, "I don't want to leave you." She smiled at me, "You won't. We'll be far away but we'll survive it." She held me closer until I was completely in her arms, sheltered by the outside world. "You'll still be my love and once you come back. I'll be right there waiting for you, still hopelessly in love with you." She cupped my face with her hands, her face slowly came closer to mine. We didn't kiss but her breath tickled my lips , making them tingle and beg for her lips. She was so beautiful, I felt terrible for letting her down a hundred times but I'll forgive myself someday. What past is past and it shouldn't haunt me forever. "I'll never let you go."I whispered to her

with every truth and love I felt inside my heart and soul. I will get better.

**AN: I think you guys deserve two chapters today, I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating a lot. I feel really bad :( But I hope you liked this chapter. I'm also finished this story, so I hope you enjoyed it :) I LOVE YOU GUYS!**


	15. Unbroken

_I'm gonna love you like I have never been broken.I__'m gonna say it like it's never been spoken.__Tonight, tonight, I'm letting go.__I'm going to give it like it's never been taken, I'm going to fall like I don't need saving._

*One Year Later*

I counted all the orders of instruments for Sonic Boom. The sun was beating down on me, I felt a slight sweat stick onto my skin. I was so tired from working that I felt like I was going to fall asleep in front of a costumer. "Hey, beautiful. Did you forget about me?" I knew that voice, but...could it be? I slowly lifted my head to glance at a familiar blonde cutie.

I flashed back to the last night I saw him, in a hospital bed, crying his eyes out. His skin was tight against his bones, his eyes were lifeless and unfocused and he looked half dead. But the Austin here in front of me was breathtaking, his brown eyes were sparkling with life, his skin was still covered in scars but they were fading and his body looked healthy.

I jumped over the counter and leaped into his arms. "I'm happy to see you too!" His laugh was like music , twinkling and sinking into my skin. "Austin, you look amazing!" My cheeks hurt from smiling too much. He matched my smile and spun me around like a princess. I giggled at how silly he was. " I missed the sound of your laugh so much!" He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I smirked at him, "You're gone for a year and that's all I get!" He held my hand, kissed it and winked at me. "What else do you have in mind, sweetie?" I bit my lip and looked at the ground feeling nervous and lovestruck. "I don't know." I moved in closer until there was no space between us. "Maybe...this." I brought his head down to mine until our lips touched. It was like a thirsty man being given water for the first time, it felt like nothing else in the world mattered, I didn't care if people were staring. All that mattered was Austin was in my arms and he was better . We pulled away and I looked deep into his eyes, "I told you I'll be waiting for you."

I grabbed his hand and lead him up the stairs to our old practice room. I smiled at the memories and how far we have got. "I remember us sitting at the piano, writing songs. Then that one time when you walked in, you were wearing a red dress. We worked on our first real duet and our hands touched. I realised, deep down inside me, that I loved you more than anything. I wanted to kiss you, to pull you against my body and put your hand on my heart to show you what you do to me." He walked over to the wooden piano and started playing random notes that sounded beautiful to my ears. "I might have had sex with a lot of girls. But you're the only one who can make my heart race against my chest. You're the only one who can make me nervous and anxious." I walked over to him and sat down beside him. "Ally you're the only one I have truly loved." He leaned in closer and placed me gracefully on his lap.

I wanted to kiss him , I wanted to feel his body on mine, I wanted him. I tried to calm down but his brown eyes were looking at me with such intensity that it all came back. I felt so inexperienced and confused about what I wanted. "Austin, I -i-i want..." I stuttered my words, feeling embarrassed and insecure. "Shhh Ally. I know what you want." He whispered breathlessly in my ear. "You're alright Ally. I'm right here." I took a leap of faith and crashed my lips into his in an explosion of love and passion. I let go of all my fear and throw all my emotions into the kiss. I gently pulled his red t-shirt off and started kissing his neck. My heart was banging in my chest, he was just so beautiful. He fell down on the piano bench with me following. His hands found my zipper of my dress, his fingers danced on my skin making my breath stop. The dress slipped off my body and sank to the floor like water. We were face to face, taking in each other's features like we could be torn apart at any moment. Now that I have lost him, I never want him to leave.

"Ally, promise me you won't leave me." His eyes looked sad but they still had longing and love in them. I unbuttoned his jeans slowly as I looked into his eyes. "Austin, I promise I'll never leave you. I love you through everything, through bad and good times. No one makes me feel like this."

Right here in his arms is where I wanted to stay.

**THE END.**

**AN: I'm so sorry if this was a crap ending. I have no idea how to end a story. I hope you guys enjoyed my story. I have lots of ideas for other Austin&Ally fanfics. I'm now going to work on one were Austin is 23 and Ally is 18 so if you wanna check it out I will be posting the first chapter hopefully this week. **


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